If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
