So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My life is pants optional.
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