I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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