Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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