Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Pants are for mortals
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
