Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
