My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
