I seem to have left my pride at pride
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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