We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
