we're blogging at a bar
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
