Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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