im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
