remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
