we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
