Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize