Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
