saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize