I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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