Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
