Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
