New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Randomize
