Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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