she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
