I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
