So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
