i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
