I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
