Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize