i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
did i walk over a car last night?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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