I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
