I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
