my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
