Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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