shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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