I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
