Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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