i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
bring money and cleavage
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
