Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Non-Jews are for practice
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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