I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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