So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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