I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
