Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
