What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
