Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
