Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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