All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
