Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
