The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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