I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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