Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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