Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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