I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
