WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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