today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
