Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
