so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
