i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
