somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I need a burrito and a hug.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize