I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
