Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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