My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
