I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
