It's Friday. Sex?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
