so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
