shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
