i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
