Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
