Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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