I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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