Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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