i can't believe i had my finger in that
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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