I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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