My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
