Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
