1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
