I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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