I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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