I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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