Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
