Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize