Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
