im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
