i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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