clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
