I looked at my own cervix.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
