he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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