I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
