im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
