Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Mom said you looked used
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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