So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
