No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i dont even know how to be here
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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