I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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