I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
