I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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