Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
