Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
