i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
