Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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