why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
