You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
