Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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