Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
